Off the Plate: Toy Instructions

My son got a remote control Lightning McQueen for his birthday. After we’d been playing with it for a while, I decided to read the instructions. It’s similar to many toys these days in that it opts for visuals only (probably so they don’t have to spend extra money on translations). Since they’re a little vague, I’ll attempt to translate for you…

Frame #1: It’s OK if the batteries are dead. Just drive slow.

Frame #2: Even though this car is SO FREAKING HUGE you could drive it on a major road, please don’t.

Frame #3: If you’re Aquaman, you can control this car with your mind as if it were a fish.

Frame #4: Even though this car is SO FREAKING HUGE you could navigate small ponds, don’t. Seriously, look how FREAKING HUGE this car is. Besides, this might not be water… see frame #5,

Frame #5: Even though you may be tempted to do so, please don’t let the sun impregnate your car with his super powerful sperm. I know he looks all cool, and he says he’ll be there for you, but this sun will set when you give him the news and he won’t be back 12 hours later.