Web Site Promising Free Bacon!

 

I was browsing the internet earlier and came across a website that promises free bacon… but it was just some online newspaper who’s address looks FreeBacon.com but is actually FreeBeacon.com. It made me think, “hey, maybe there IS a website out there promising free bacon”. A quick google search yielded the following results:

 

Damn you Free Beacon!

On the positive side, it is nice to know that there is a Kung Fu demonstration at the Bacon Free Library. On the negative side, why the hell would you want a bacon free library?

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Funniest Thing Heard On TV Today

After capturing the female customer, catheter supplier Liberator Medical is targeting men with their latest ad. The commercial boasts, “Our catheters are more comfortable because they lubricate themselves right in the package.”

As if having a catheter wasn’t uncomfortable enough, they take a detour through your package to get lubed up?

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What’s better than having a meeting?

 

 

That’s right, having grapes at a meeting… and some pineapple, too.

 

PS – The Blackberry camera sucks.

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Health Care Costs Got You Down? Save Money With aPlateOfGrapes Home Glaucoma Test!!!

 

With health care costs skyrocketing, many are choosing to forgo or delay necessary testing. We’re developing some low cost options so you don’t have to go without. Enter the aPlateOfGrapes home glaucoma test. Granted the glaucoma test, with it’s uncomfortable puff to the eye, isn’t anyone’s favorite test, but it’s necessary to maintaining healthy vision. Here’s a look at the prototype:

Home Glaucoma Test

 

Speaking of uncomfortable tests, we’re also working on a home colonoscopy test. Don’t worry, I won’t be taking pictures of myself testing this device. However, here are a few prototype images of the targeting mirror and the ream-o-matic:

Ream-o-matic

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SPam of thE Week!

 

It’s been quite a while since I’ve dished the SPEW. For those of you who are unfamiliar with SPam of thE Week, here’s the run down. I get about 50-100 posts from spam bots per week. I sift threw them and post the gems here. Why the weird acronym? It was inspired by NORAD, which sounds cool, until you realize it stands for NORth American air Defense. It should be NAAD but that doesn’t sound cool so they just made up an acronym that focus groups liked.

Jerks.

Anyway, I copy and paste the spam bot user name and their message and provide brief and often pointlessly confusing commentary. I do not edit them in any way so they frequently have spelling errors, poor grammar, etc…

Our first bit of SPEW comes from user Legalize Unpermitted Room Addition who commented on my post about goblin farts pumpernickel:

“According to my own monitoring, thousands of persons on our planet receive the loans from various creditors. So, there is good possibilities to receive a college loan in every country”

First, I’m sure “Legalize” is hoping something else gets legalized. Second, you’re obviously an alien.

Next we have user Champagne who appreciates my warning on Taco Bell’s Cantina Taco:

“Grapes. This simple actions put Aussie wine on the worldwide market, plus the wine industry was a huge section of the Australian economy.”

First off, thanks for keeping the comment kind of on topic. Second, technically, Champagne can only come from grapes grown in the Champagne region in France and undergo the secondary fermentation that produces carbonation. Otherwise, it’s sparkling wine. Or something like that.

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